Category Archives: Blues

A return from the land of Lost Perspective.

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And then I saw some selfies on FB (a pet loathe) and I almost unfriended a couple of folk but I got my period again for the millionth time this year (see previous post about the Mirena situation) and saw some sense. Then it took forty-five minutes to get the kids out of the house and I found myself losing my cool and failing to summons the strength to suppress the imminent explosion. And then there were no parks on the high street when I wanted to drop off some huge bags of perfectly decent hand-me-downs to the Salvos. Right out the front there was a half hour loading bay with no mention of commercial vehicles so I parked, grabbed the bags, left the kids in the car, bolted in to the Salvos with the bags, bolted back outside again to find a parking attendant calmly printing out a parking ticket and pinning it to my windshield. I begged. I pleaded. I explained the entire affair.
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I can do this

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I have learned that mothering is often synonymous with self-reprisal, self-loathing and self-whatever else. Sometimes followed by clarity. Sometimes a big glass of claret...
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A Fair Weather Blogger – In the midst of the mire of motherhood

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I didn't create this blog last year with a view to only writing when things were rosy. I thought it would be a good, bad and the ugly type affair. But it seems I haven't written since October. I have been very aware of not writing. The not writing has almost been an active past time. I have been at war with myself and struggling with who I was, who I now am and who I want to be in the midst of the mire of motherhood.
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The Mother Movement – Who am I now I’m a mum?

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Yesterday was a shocker. I couldn't pinpoint the source; exhaustion? hormones? By breakfast time, I found myself in a puddle in my fella's arms sobbing about our relocation from London and missing, I mean truly heartbreakingly missing, my London friends. I crave a day with my eccentric, creative, daring, quirky, talented buddies and their wee sprogs....In fact, this post wasn't supposed to bang on so much about my emotional rollercoaster yesterday. In fact, this post wasn't supposed to bang on so much about my emotional rollercoaster yesterday. It was merely intended to illustrate that mothers can struggle. Not all mothers, but a lot of mothers. And not all the time, but a lot of the time, or sometimes or whatever the case may be. We struggle with identity, self-fulfillment, self-belief, career, motivation. It is a shared experience. I simply wanted to say that yesterday I was having one of those days, and at the end of it, quite by chance, a dear friend sent me this email: "You have to visit this website and read everything on it...xxxx..." And there it is. A website dedicated to mothers. Not a sappy, irritating, we're taken for granted kind of website. But an empowering, I've been there, let's bring women together and be powerful and acknowledge that sometimes this mother business is dull, sometimes we lose ourselves, lose who we are under the mother skin, sometimes we really struggle to make time for ourselves. Just go to it and read it. It speaks for itself.
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I suffer serious daymares now I’m a mum

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I’m sitting in my boy’s room in low light, breastfeeding him to sleep with Richard Hawley’s honey voice transporting us both into a past full of memories and into a future of sweet dreams. Suddenly, Maple snatches her hand out of mine, and dashes away from me across the road. I’m screaming for her to stop but she doesn’t listen and she carries on as a four wheel drive throttles down our quiet street and sends her tiny body flying through the air. I can do nothing. Everything is too late...You don’t want to read this right? I understand. It’s too much. It is far too much. I don’t want to swim in these foul waters either. I've read it back and I too think "this is too much. Nobody wants to go there." I’m hoping that the mere act of writing it all down might exorcise these hideous daymares from my mind.
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Mama Sings The Blues

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When my daughter was born on 18th August 2010, I was relieved. God that's an understatement. It was a natural birth and despite her getting stuck and me having to be whisked from a birthing pool to a delivery suite, I still sent her out with no pain relief, no forceps, nada. It was hardcore. I went somewhere else. You have to...I need not mention that I could barely walk after breathing my 3.29kg daughter down into life. A car crash had taken place in my nether regions and I wondered if anything would be the same down there again.
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